Topic: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)

[NUMBERZero]

OWNED!

Crazy wife.

[-<WillyP>-]

Little Johnny's neighbors had a baby.
Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.
When mother and new baby came home from the hospital Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby.
Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.
His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears he would get the spanking of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.
When Johnny looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."
The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny."
Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes.
Can he see?"
"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."
"That's great", said Little Johnny, "cuz he'd be screwed if he needed glasses."

[-<WillyP>-]

!

[-<WillyP>-]

.

[-<WillyP>-]

Christmas Carols for the Disturbed

1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and . . .

6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells.

[Foil]

Last one actually got an audible laugh out of me. 

[-<WillyP>-]

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by itslef but the wrod as a wlohe.

[-<WillyP>-]

Answers:


1.) Able

2.) Gullible

3.) Cannibal

4.) Parable

5.) Fable

6.) Bully

7.) Abominable

8.) Bible

9.) Noble

[NUMBERZero]

XD

[-<WillyP>-]

I take size XL, myself. 

[Kaiaatzl]

Number 7 

[Shroudeye]

A priest joke:

During a mass at the church, flood had struck Nowheresville hard. Everyone jumps on boats (or anything that floats) for dear life, except the priest. Someone amidst the chaos notices this and yells from his boat:

-Father! Jump on the boat!!

Priest, being a 'faithful' person replies:

-No son, you save yourself! I believe that our Almighty will help me!

The man in the boat looks puzzled but goes away.

As the flood raises, it devours the lower levels of the church, and forces the priest up to the roof. Suddenly, another boat approaches to the church, and someone yells:

-Father, jump in!

Again, priest replies:

-NO! The Almighty will save me!

The boat also heads away.

The flood raises to the roof, and priest climbs on the bell tower. A helicopter roars overhead and hovers above the tower. Someone throws a ladder and yells:

-Father! Catch the ladder!

And the priest yells back:

-NO! THE ALMIGHTY WILL HELP ME!
and pushes the ladder back.

The helicopter goes away.

Finally, the flood raises to the priests feet, then starts to drag him. Just before he lets go, he yells skyward:

Oh my Almighty, I favored you for my entire life, PLEASE HELP ME!!

And he hears a deep voice from sky:

-I SENT YOU TWO BOATS AND A HELICOPTER ALREADY YOU IDIOT!!!

[Scyphi]

Oh yeah, that pun! I always liked that pun because it was both funny and educational when you really think about it.

[VANGUARD]

  pun? what? I honestly don't get it.

I guess the only way I get it, is the Lord has saved people by having people on Earth the power and knowledge, etc to find (either by accident or not) people and rescue them.
As I believe, if someone rescues you, it's because God wanted you rescued.

If that's not how this joke was suppose to go, then.....I don't get it 

[NUMBERZero]

...that's the way the joke goes.


This is one of my favorite jokes.