Planet Descent
Community => Mess Hall => Topic started by: VANGUARD on May 28, 2011, 04:53:42 PM
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Hello everyone, hope everyone is having a great weekend. I had some fun. I got to play some more of the Descent game, Vignettes. Got to play Call of Duty Black Ops, zombie mode, some was fun like getting that "Death Machine" in Five. But a lot of players I came across were sore losers. I can't believe how many people left the game because they were bleeding out, causing the game to end ::)
Oh well.
I am not saying goodbye, but I just haven't felt the same about things for a while. Something is draining my life. I think I know what it is, but it's one of those "it hurts if you let go. hurt if you keep it" sort of thing. I don't want to get into it. It doesn't play. I have already spoken to enough people about it, and it's a decision I have to make on my own.
Enjoy the rest of the weekend guys and gals.
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We've been down this road before, Van. Cheer up buddy!
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I know. although, it's not job related. it's girl related. I'm tired of the road, but I think it's getting worse.
oh well.
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I figured as much.
Here's my advice for you, from somebody who's (sort of) been down that road before. If things aren't working out, and it's just getting down, you might as well move on. It might hurt to let go, but it's less painful in the long run unless you think things are likely to improve the way they are.
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Better an end with terror than terror without an end.
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I don't want to get too detailed. I'm sure people on here care, but how much to hear a story?
In a nutshell, I am being torn in two different directions. I have dated, some I liked, some I didn't. I really like this girl. I feel unusually comfortable around her, and she seems to fit into the family quite well. Everyone so far that has seen her, likes her. With past girls, I have had my mom, sister, aunt, from time to time, maybe others, that may say "this girl is nice, but.."
However, with the girl I am with now, everyone likes her, no buts. My mom likes her the best of all of the girls I have gone out with. She says 'she's a keeper'.
Granted, I have my own mind. I can break it off, but I really really really really really like her, I mean really! We get along well, and I think in most cases, compliment each other quite well. We are there for each other, we may take turns paying, or coming up with something to do, we don't get into fights or arguments. She's really sweet.
I think all is GREAT! The only thing that hurts is "I just want to be friends (for now)". It's like I found the love of my life, and I am not with her. It's the only reason I keep fighting with my feelings, and trying to put them aside the best I can.
I don't like talking about this sort of stuff, and I am not a fan of being the center of attention. But desperate times comes desperate measures.
I've also been told dieting can affect people. I think it may be some. When I am with her, when I talk about her, 99% of the time, it feels great.
Who says life is easy? Love hurts right?
I'll conclude this message by saying, I may have liked some girls, maybe a lot, but none came close to how I feel about this girl, and this girl is the only one I can think of that already feels like a close friend or member of the family. I need faith and patience.
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So, you wanna make this one last... what's the problem then? Infact it sounds very good to me.
It sounds like you just need to relax and keep doing what you're doing to me.
I like Karx-elf-erx's saying though. I'll try to remember that, it's very good.
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the only thing is, we use to feel closer, like in a relationship, and some affection. im the sort of guy that likes that. and its gone. and that hurts. I told her, if we could hold hands, or maybe kiss on occasion, that'd be great. she soon decided not to at all.
I'm sure everyone thinks I'm crazy to be going through this hurt/pain because of that, but it just feels like it will never mount up to be more than friends.
I asked her a few days back, can she see us being more than friends in a few months. she can't.
so, that could be 6 months of not knowing. that's a tad long. you should know in a few weeks or a month, if you are thinking of it becoming more, whether you're ready or not. you should at least have an idea.
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I'm taking deep breaths when needed. I do believe I need to calm down and relax. I feel best then, as I assume everyone else does as well, and when I am relaxed, I am happy to know her, and to talk with her, and happy when I think of her. and that pain is gone.
I guess that's all I'll have to do. just relax. not complain. not get bogged down. eat/drink better.
Last night, I only thought of nice things, fishing, or a nice walk somewhere, a nice snowy day.
very peaceful and nice.
thank you for putting up with me.
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I think the two of you need to be frank about your feelings there.
So, what exactly brought on this ... distance that's developed? You gotta find out why. Maybe something's troubling her ...
If it's really meant to work out, I wouldn't be too nervous about breaking some eggs to make the omelette. Jump in with both feet and figure out what's causing it all.
But ... obviously, be tactful. I only say that because I know a lot of very tactless people.
I'm no relationship person. I know f*** all about it but you seem like a really pleasant person to me and I hate to see things not work out for people like that.
Best of luck to you.
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thanks.
we did start off well, got along great, and showed some affection towards each other, holding hands, her fingers in my hair (sounds corny/weird talking with other guys about that sort of thing), arm around each other, etc.
and then, she stopped. she only gives me hugs. no kisses, no arm around me, no fingers running through my hair. nothing, just hugs.
she says she just wants to be friends. I asked for good or something more. she isn't sure. one time, whether it's the right thing to have said or not, I said, well, if we just plan to be friends, I may later date (this is after I told her how much this hurts to just be friends.) she understands and said if it happens, that she'd be happy for me. I asked her, how she would feel. she replied, "I'm not sure."
It's been complex in a way, and hard on me.
don't get me wrong. we get along great still, it's not like we fight or not talk to each other. we both still talk, laugh at stuff, smile, play pool, walks, etc..
edit: had to leave, work was done. back again, but not much else to say. so far, being patient and calm is working. I just take deep breaths and relax. When I do, I am very happy and believe there's a reason I am with her.
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Don't take this the wrong way...
I think if you can move on to another relationship and still be friends with her that would be pretty special. Pretty sure most guys don't get to do that.
But I've never been in a relationship so, what do I know, right?
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I'm sure that is all fine and good. I don't believe that's bad, it's just not me. and I honestly don't feel like dating. I don't just go out and meet people, and I am so sick of online dating.
I went Frisbee golfing with her and her friends, and when we got done around 9:30 last night, I was feeling a bit tired and wanted to get home and go to bed. Then I heard "Let's eat! i am hungry!" Guess who got a ride to the frisbee golf place? yep. me. I couldn't say, I have to go, because that'd take a while for someone to drop me off and go back to eat. So I was at IHOP (first time) from 10:00 to 12:00 midnight.
It was brought up that I was the oldest of the 7 people, and at some point, I said "Since I'm squad leader, it's time to go." they listened. wow.
I am sore, tired, and sore. I guess I had fun. I did, but I can't do this on a weeknight. some have their job start at 9:00 or 9:30, not me. mine is 7:30.
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Online dating is a sin against nature and is hazardous to the sanity. The ladyfriend has a friend who has dabbled in that and let's just say nothing good has come of it.
Have you ever seen Gundam SEED Destiny? Great show. There are two characters in there who are *absolutely meant* to be together and yet they never quite hit it off.
I'm not sure it its best to wait. It can be very painful in matters like these but patience does pay off.
I wonder whether it would be better to be forceful and manly and get to the bottom of the situation, find out what's going on and don't stop until you've fixed it. But that might not be appreciated and it might not be the right approach. You've just gotta let your instinct guide you.
One thing I can say is: Giving up is *never* the answer. I've never given up on anything in my life (although I've sometimes come close). Sometimes you might not win but you never lose that way either. You never lose. Things always work out if you want them enough (and it seems like you do) and you work at them.
Once you've decided that, it's simply a question of method and strategy.
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Have you ever seen Gundam SEED Destiny? Great show. There are two characters in there who are *absolutely meant* to be together...
[off-topic]Is that according to the writers? (Meaning: Did the writers come out and say it directly?)
Just asking because sometimes it can be hard to tell fan opinions from the writers' intentions when you don't watch the show - especially when all you have is text to read.
No offense meant at all, and don't take it the wrong way.
You know, forums should require people to post sources when saying something that sounds like it was intended by the writers of a show, or a book... or... whatever. That way someone unfamiliar with the show will be able to tell whether something was writer-intended or not, just by seeing if there are sources or not. Very convenient.[/off-topic]
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Online dating is a sin against nature and is hazardous to the sanity.
I typically avoid that like the plague, but I met her off some Christian site back in February. Probably one of the VERY VERY few that are worth meeting. A lot I met, seemed like a waste of time.
But anyways, I talked about it some, and she just wants to take it slow. It's part of her, which I can respect. Taking it slow can be good, to build up a good friendship, a strong foundation, so on and so forth.
I don't know if it hurts as much as it use to. It was great fun last night, and talking about it last night I think helped.
I believe in respecting girls, not saying any of you don't. I do believe if things don't go well, and aren't meant to happen, break it off, but I think in this case, the best is give her the time, be there for her, be a good friend, take it a day at a time and see what may happen later on.
I did rescue her last night. We were outside and there was a spider by her ear. she hates spiders.
as for that movie, never saw it.
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@Vanguard - I think you've got exactly the right idea. You can't do any more than that. Good play!
As for Gundam SEED - Haha, well - I'm not sure any reliable authority exists on the matter.
As a supposed law student, I don't think I could find a decided case to back me up :)))
The Japanese director certainly said in an interview that the characters' feelings were clear but subdued.
The guy gave the girl a ring but had to leave to take care of the ... saving-the-world, serious business and by the end of the series, they were both so weighed-down by differing responsibilities that they had to set all feelings to one side.
It was clear that they weren't happy about the situation but that was how the show ended without any kind of rectification. The fans were so unhappy that for the feature-length editions, the producers had to go back and change some details to try and compensate.
Indeed, the backlash was so strong that in subsequently-released material the producers had to backpedal quite a way.
Infact, the guy's friend even saved the girl from a hideous arranged marriage (crazy Japanese) earlier in the show too. There's no wedding-crashing like a wedding-crashing with a 20-metre-tall mobile suit.
I'm sure it would all have been cleared up by the sequel but the main writer suffered a serious cancer and so, Gundam 00 and Unicorn have now stolen the thunder in terms of production priority.
I'm sure we'll get a sequel eventually but it will take a long time if the production company doesn't want to erode its own sales by oversaturating its own market with different sub-franchises of Gundam.
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If her behavior suddenly changed, a few possible reasons immediately come to my mind:
a) If you both are coming from a religious background (your posting you found her on some Christian dating site), she has been talking to someone who has told her to hold back, be cautious, using religious arguments for that. Bleh.
b) She was only playing, and when she realized she was about to getting herself into something real, she retreated
c) She wasn't only playing (maybe a bit), but when she realized it was getting serious, she also realized she wanted to be sure it is what she really wants
d) She would (somewhat) like to have a relationship, but shys the risk of starting one
e) You are giving her the feeling that you depend on her too much or exclusively and she wants to make sure you are standing on your own feet and are thus capable to have a healthy love relationship
If I was you I would directly ask her what has led to her changing her behavior towards you and not allow her any "evasive maneuvers".
If a) is true, talk about it with her and find out what kind of beliefs or arguments have changed her mind. Holding hands and moving one's fingers through someone's hair isn't fornication.
If b) is true, get rid of her.
If c) is true ... oh well. Don't be too impatient, but don't wait too long for her to come to a conclusion either. No decision is a decision, too.
If d) is true, apply b). People like that stay lonesome forever because they do not understand that beginning a relationship always carries a risk with it, and that (sometimes) you can only find out whether you did the right thing by doing it. (That's meant by "learning from failure and mistakes" ;) - but what is sometimes overlooked is that you learn from having done something right, too!)
You need to answer e) for yourself. If a person becomes the sole meaning of life for another person, that's obsessive and unhealthy. In this case, you would need to mature. A person you love is a good reason to live, but never *the* reason to live.
Nobody will take the burden of making a decision here from you though. If you are a Christian though (the born again kind), you can and should however in any case pray about it and follow what God is telling you. If he doesn't say anything, use your brain. ;)
Ooooh yeah, amateur electronic counseling via the internetz! I think I know what I am talking about here though. Feel free to ignore all of this if you think it is just rubbish. ;)
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d is about as close as it could be. I don't think she's a tease. if she was just playing around and then backed off, I highly doubt she would invite me to spend time with her and her friends. I also doubt she'd pay for some meals and even offer to drive at times. I doubt she'd be fine with some of the things I want to do.
I think in a nutshell, it's more like, we found each other attracted to each other, and not all the way, but we sort of let nature take its course. then she wanted to slow things down and not rush anything.
she hasn't dated often, and is sort of nervous to just start dating.
As I said, I think patience in the best. This is a friend, this I know, and maybe more later. I rarely come across people I get along with well and would consider a true friend. I have met some nice girls, and was with some for a while, but I never felt that friendship/closeness quite like with this girl.
I appreciate everyone's opinions. and I know how hard it is to help others sometimes. you don't know the girl, and in a lot of ways, even me.
That's why I ask for suggestions. like, if "b" was it, just playing around, that's an indication it's not good to be with her.
It's like people that cheat. That turns me off. I am not in a relationship with her, and I don't want to see any other girl. I'd feel guilty. Technically, I have no reason to, being I am single, not taken, but still. I like her, a lot. and my heart is set on her.
I have certainly prayed to God, and it seems like every time this has gotten hard, and I am like, I had enough, it's like something happens to change that. It's as if I know that God is saying I should be with her. As far as being friends, relationship or marriage, and for how long, I have no idea. but that's faith.
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I'm not one to talk, but from what I understand, I have to agree that patience is the best move. Obviously, she feels like she's being pressed to rush, and doesn't want to, so she backed off, wanting to go at her pace. Trying to force her to do otherwise would only cause problems.
But by all means, don't let her out of your sight. Judging from your descriptions, I think you've both got something going here, it's just not time to act upon it. :)
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I'm not one to talk, but from what I understand, I have to agree that patience is the best move. Obviously, she feels like she's being pressed to rush, and doesn't want to, so she backed off, wanting to go at her pace. Trying to force her to do otherwise would only cause problems.
But by all means, don't let her out of your sight. Judging from your descriptions, I think you've both got something going here, it's just not time to act upon it. :)
I agree 100%. The more patient I am, and not pushy, I think the better it tend to get at times.
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+1 to Karl and Scyphi. What they said.
Probably best to give plenty of space in that case. These things take time and people hate to be pressured. So I agree that patience is the key.
Best wishes to you, let us know how it goes!
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thanks