Topic: Joke Thread - (keep it clean)

[TechPro]

What do you call an alligator with a vest on?







An Investigator !!!

[TechPro]

Emergency Shut Off Switch... (from the "There I Fixed It" web site)
Click Here

[Scyphi]

The real switch probably isn't scheduled to be installed until next Tuesday.

[-<WillyP>-]

http://youtu.be/pQHX-SjgQvQ

[-<WillyP>-]

Hey everyone....I would like to share an experience with you, about drinking and driving.
As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.
 A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends at the Brown Hill Hotel and had a few too many beers and some rather nice red wine.
Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a bus home. Sure enough I passed a police road block but as it was a bus, they waved it past.
I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it.

[Foil]

  Should've seen that one coming.  Good one!

[TechPro]

If a Priest blesses an Avocado...

Would it be Holy Guacamole?

[Scyphi]

Would making the avocado into guacamole void the blessing?

[-<WillyP>-]

A DEA agent stopped at our farm yesterday " I need to inspect your farm for illegal growing drugs " I said "Okay, but I don't go in that field over there...."

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!" Reaching in his rear pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and shoved it in my face. "See this freakin badge?, This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.....On any land,!! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear?...do you understand?.... I nodded politely and apologized, and went about my chores.

 A short time later, I hear loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by my big old mean bull....With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he would get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.

I threw down my tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of my lungs... "Your badge, show him your freakin badge!!"

[Foil]

Hehe, I thought it was going to be a field full of poison-ivy... 

[Wraith-1]

He is, the most interesting pilot in the Sol System:

[Scyphi]

Especially when you consider the poor CGI.

[CrazyEnzo03]

A bear and a rabbit were shitting in the woods.
The bear asked the rabbit, "Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?"
"No," answered the rabbit.
Then the bear picked up the rabbit and wiped its butt with the rabbit.

That one's not.. "clean"..

[IHateHackers]

It has one swear word, I'm sure you'll live.

Nevermind, I see what you did thar...

[Linux-Blue]

It got clean at the end.